did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
