to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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