I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
