First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
