when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
