Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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