is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
