Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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