my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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