Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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