Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
