tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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