chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
