Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
