Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize