i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
