you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
