Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize