Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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