I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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