I want to have your abortion
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
