Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
