haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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