Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
