It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
