When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize