dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
