Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
