Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
