apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
