We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
