yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
