No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize