What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
