The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
