your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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