You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
