Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You took a bar mat shot.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
