Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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