U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
