I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
