it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
