i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
