Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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