I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think my vagina is haunted
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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