I bet he comes in French.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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