i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
