dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
