Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
