I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
