in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
