i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize