I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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