I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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