We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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