Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
