And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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