A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
