before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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