WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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