i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
