I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize