the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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