He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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