it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
