I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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