So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she woke up with a sticky ear
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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