so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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