it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As shirtless as possible
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
