I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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