remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
