I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
