Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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