The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
