Porn is love you can see.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
